Have you ever had something happen to you that made you angry and because of this, you said hurtful words to a loved one without meaning too? I was visiting with some friends the other day and they were having a new oven delivered. Upon unwrapping the oven it was obvious that they had received the wrong one, so she got all in a tizz and said something awful to her husband on a totally different subject! I immediately noticed why this had happened and hinted that perhaps she was angry with the store that had delivered the wrong oven and not angry with her husband. She is a good friend so I can say these things to her.

The point I am making here is that when you are challenged and it makes you feel the emotion of anger, no matter who is there with you, and if nobody is, we do have a tendency to call someone just so we can vent our anger, we can easily slip up and say something that we may regret. Your anger can unintentionally hurt another so make it a habit to become aware of the language and the words you use when conversing with others… especially those we love.

In this case above, the husband dismissed what his wife had said but it could have easily turned into an outright misunderstanding causing a whole set of problems which wouldn’t have served either one of them. Have you been aware of this happening to you? I know that there have been times when something has upset me and without thinking, I have lashed out at the person closest to me. That was before I learned how to be aware of my thoughts and language.

Quick to think, slow to anger, and slow to speak

It takes practice to know why we say the things we do. It could be something as easy as stubbing your toe upon getting out of bed that sets your day in a direction of a downward spiral and without knowing, we snap and let the fact that we are not happy, make someone else not happy just so we don’t have to suffer alone! Does this make sense?

Think for a moment to the last time you were hurt or disappointed, how you re-acted and if you happened to use language that empowered or dis-empowered yourself or someone else! Remember how it felt and if you can, also, how was your physiology at the time? I say this because we do sit/stand differently when we are upset as opposed to when we are ecstatic! Our physiology then has a role to play in the language we use.

Okay, take time out and try this. Stand up and hang your head and hunch your shoulders over as though you are a victim of circumstance. Think back to a time when you felt anger. In this position, try smiling and having good thoughts. Can you? I mean, can you really think good thoughts if you have just been hurt or are angry?

Now try this. Stand up tall with eyes forward and a big smile on your face. How easy is it to say something positive? Totally different way of looking and feeling isn’t it? So how easy would it be now to become aware of your language that you use and how it affects others?

So, there is a marked difference as to how we speak depending on our physiology. If you can get over it sooner rather than later, you will be doing yourself and those around you a great favour. Don’t let your anger unintentionally hurt someone else. Be aware of how you are feeling and think about the words you will speak before opening your mouth. Life can be so much more pleasant when feeling love rather than anger.

If you enjoyed this article and it is your first time here, you may consider subscribing to my site so that you never miss an update. Let me know your thoughts and if/when you have noticed this kind of thing happening to you before now. How has it impacted your life?

Have you ever felt like you were the only person in the whole universe with a challenge? You may have noticed that I have been absent from Buzzing with Ange a bit lately. To tell you the truth, I lost my creativity and didn’t want to bring you half-baked articles just to keep updating. Instead, I have been meandering along another path away from my laptop and that is the one of further study for my NLP (Neuro-Linguistic-Programming) Master Practitioner along with training for the Kokoda Trek!

Aside from that, we, that is my family, have recently found out that my dad needs to have open heart surgery and as I type this, he has been hospitalised due to a series of recurring minor heart attacks and we are waiting to hear when he will be able to have the procedure done. Needless to say, it has put us all on standby wondering what the outcome will be.

Through all this, I have learned something about myself and that is that I am not the super emotionally strong person I thought I was. Does this mean that I have failed? No, not at all! In fact, what is has done is made me aware of the vulnerabilities that we as humans all have and that is that when someone close to us that we love faces a life threatening challenge, we start asking the questions why. After all, my dad is a very fit man and at the age of 78, he walks 60 kms per week!

The thing is to not ask why, but rather, how do we adapt to make this experience go as smoothly as possible while maintaining a positive outlook so as to keep my dad’s spirits up and help him as best we can through this challenge?


This Is How We Grow

While being empathic to his reality, I think the best thing I can do is spend time with him and ask questions so that I can learn as much as I can about him… I’m sure there are many things that I do not know about my dad and at the same time, tell him how I feel about him. Use the time to really bond and I think I am sounding like this is the end for him, and I’m sure it isn’t, but what an opportunity to get even closer than I was before! My point is that sometimes we leave things unsaid and then have regrets that we shoulda coulda woulda done this that and the other. I have heard it too many times before and I would rather not be left in that situation so speak now before it is too late.

This way of thinking can apply to anyone in our lives who we may be needing to discuss things with. What I mean is to not let emotions hold you back from speaking up about something or clearing the air if need be. I’m thinking in particular about forgiveness and emotional intelligence which goes a long way towards your personal development. Being consciously aware of our reactions to particular people or circumstances and coming to an agreement with ourselves or others, helps us keep things in perspective and not make up stories about it… after all, your reality will differ from the next person’s reality. We all have a different view of life and whatever your beliefs, it is the right one for you. Remember though that holding onto negative thoughts you have without either writing them down or talking about them with someone, will only make you the victim so please, if you have something to say then say it.

I know I am not the first person to be faced with this situation and I won’t be the last. So, I am not looking for sympathy here, rather, I would like to ask what are some of the things you may have tried in a similar situation which worked for you and your family to get you through a time like this?

Isn’t it funny how some people notice all the things that are not working in their lives, while there are others who notice all the good things in their lives and who seem to be aware of all the opportunities that are available to them.

I see and hear this time and time again from my friends and family. That their lives are not working and if only this was this way , and if only that was that way… BLAH, BLAH, BLAH! The thing is that the majority of people fill their lives with too much static which fills the air in the form of newspapers, television, magazines, radio, the Internet, mobile phones, emails - especially those spam chain letters that go around - books, the cinema, music, advertising, politics, other people’s demands on us at work, and all these things jump out at us before we have had a chance to give the most important person in our lives the attention they deserve: Ourselves. We are left with no time to think clearly and no space to do it in.

This is when our perception gets distorted and we are unable to sort through these things which really have no place in our lives and which we cannot do anything about. I call these external forces which have the potential to project the unwanted life some of us have.

Have you ever noticed when sitting on a train during peak hour as people are on their way to work, most of them look like they have a glazed look on their face. I think that these people are living their lives unconsciously, and are on merry-go-round wondering how to get off. They allow themselves to be driven by these external forces.

Imagine if the daily newspapers were a reminder to live consciously every day. I may buy the newspaper if this was the case :)  The media is notorious for distorting the news and telling us what they want us to hear. I remember seeing a short snippet of a news article where the reporter was saying that there had been violent scenes at a protest and the clip that was showing at the time actually had people smiling and happy in the background. I’m sure this happens frequently and I would be willing to bet that what is heard is taken in more than what is seen.  So how do we get off the merry-go-round?

It’s not about changing your life all at once, but rather, it’s about finding a moment of authenticity and self-truth. These moments are the places you can stand on to change the world. Begin with a moment of quiet reflection and something to write on, or if you prefer, you can also do this with your friends.  Start writing. Think back to moments when you felt truly alive, when you were so happy that no matter what you did, everything was a success. Were you five years of age or ten, fifteen, twenty or even thirty or more? Where were you? Who were you with? Was it something that you did once or is it something that is integrated in your life now? Would you love to do it again? What is at play or at work? How did you feel afterward? Once the momentum kicks in, this can be a truly awesome and inspiring experience.

Next, make another list, a list of times when you may have been experiencing fear and doubt and maybe gotten into difficulties. What was it the helped you overcome these experiences? How did you get out of this situation? Was it with help from friends, taking control of your life, learning a new skill, following a spiritual practice, taking a stand, reading a book? I think you get the picture.

If you happen to keep a journal, get that out. Once you have gathered all this information, and it does take some time to do this, you will end up with a very resourceful folio to refer back to. You may be feeling creative after doing this exercise and if so, make it into an attractive compilation and present it to yourself as a reminder that you can live consciously and that there are moments that do work for you in your life. Live up those moments and be aware that you can live the life YOU love. Use this resource every day and remember, Perception is Projection.

This last ten or so days, I have been reduced down to dial-up speed when I was shaped for over-using my bandwidth and I can tell you that I am really struggling having to wait for pages to download. I have learned that if you use a Firefox browser, there is an option in tools that allows you to choose whether or not to download images while you are browsing, and it has become very boring indeed! It’s not much fun browsing when you can’t see the whole page as it was meant to be seen.

Being in this situation has brought me to realize that I am an adrenalin junkie, not just with the internet, but in all aspects of my life. I thought I was a patient person and as it turns out, I have had time to reflect and take notice of my habits online and off line. Scary stuff! I am living in a permanent state of overload and I am wondering how many of you reading this may have the same thing going on as I do.

I seem to be always seeking time for myself and yet, there are times when I feel guilty about not spending enough time with the kids. They often watch me sit and work when I really should be giving more of my time to them while they are around. I constantly feel that it is my job to keep everyone around me happy, which has led me to write about it here. Another step in developing my emotional intelligence.


The Seduction of Overload

Being addicted to adrenalin, is like any addiction. It is all consuming, very thrilling and it feels so right. There is absolutely no need for other narcotics life has to offer when you’re running on pure self-generated adrenalin. I think that being overloaded is permission to say I am too busy to take on anything new. Although, I just cannot help myself. I like to say YES to everything. It makes me feel needed, wanted and in demand! It is like having a badge of honour to have a jam-packed calendar, to juggle work and children, to be exhausted which then leads to feelings of guilt of letting down my friends and family. Funny thing is though that they do not feel this guilt of being unproductive.

My addiction does lend to having highs and lows. Frantic cramming of appointments and activities have led me to forget where I had to be… even though they were written in my diary. Sometimes, I feel as though I have been hit over the head with a sledgehammer. I run on auto-pilot with feelings of intoxication and exhilaration, kind of like an emotional roller-coaster. Enough is enough I say. This cannot be sustained. Sooner or later something has to give. I am tired of breaking deadlines and dates. I am tired of letting my friends and family down. Time to make a change.

This is the first step to overload recovery. Recognition that I have an addiction and now declaring that I will do something about it. Nothing will change without this moment of personal clarity. I can’t go on like this. Time to interrupt the pattern, which my ISP has had a hand in with slowing my connection down.

A calmer, less adrenalin fueled life is way overdue. To surrender my dependence to adrenalin will not be easy… after all, it is the chemical of danger, and who doesn’t like a bit of danger in their lives? Baby steps are necessary to overcome this addiction in order for me to find balance in my life. Helping my personal development along, I find that reading the healthy living lounge has also been helpful in coming to realise my plight. Any other suggestions you might have are welcomed here.  It will be great to hear them.

Dedicated to Success - mine and yours

Living consciously involves being genuine. It involves listening and responding to others honestly and openly. It involves being in the moment.
Sidney Poitier
Actor and Author of The Measure of a Man

I have to tell you that I have many projects going on at the moment that sometimes, I forget to let you know what’s going on. My work has become quite varied and I am involved in some JV’s which are keeping me very occupied to say the least. Oh… and btw, with Google’s latest PageRank update, my site now has a PageRank 3 which is pretty cool I think… and not only that, but following on from the last article re TaggZilla and ranking #1 with Google, little did I know that when I started with this blog, my other sites, and profiles on many of the social network sites, that I had my own little Site Club going on. They all have Page Ranks now

What this means is that this blog has provided some strength in the importance of all my other sites. So if you are a webmaster and into blogging, having links to all your other sites can improve the chance of building their PageRank as well. I guess that’s what they mean by link building with relevancy to the site. (more…)