This last ten or so days, I have been reduced down to dial-up speed when I was shaped for over-using my bandwidth and I can tell you that I am really struggling having to wait for pages to download. I have learned that if you use a Firefox browser, there is an option in tools that allows you to choose whether or not to download images while you are browsing, and it has become very boring indeed! It’s not much fun browsing when you can’t see the whole page as it was meant to be seen.

Being in this situation has brought me to realize that I am an adrenalin junkie, not just with the internet, but in all aspects of my life. I thought I was a patient person and as it turns out, I have had time to reflect and take notice of my habits online and off line. Scary stuff! I am living in a permanent state of overload and I am wondering how many of you reading this may have the same thing going on as I do.

I seem to be always seeking time for myself and yet, there are times when I feel guilty about not spending enough time with the kids. They often watch me sit and work when I really should be giving more of my time to them while they are around. I constantly feel that it is my job to keep everyone around me happy, which has led me to write about it here. Another step in developing my emotional intelligence.


The Seduction of Overload

Being addicted to adrenalin, is like any addiction. It is all consuming, very thrilling and it feels so right. There is absolutely no need for other narcotics life has to offer when you’re running on pure self-generated adrenalin. I think that being overloaded is permission to say I am too busy to take on anything new. Although, I just cannot help myself. I like to say YES to everything. It makes me feel needed, wanted and in demand! It is like having a badge of honour to have a jam-packed calendar, to juggle work and children, to be exhausted which then leads to feelings of guilt of letting down my friends and family. Funny thing is though that they do not feel this guilt of being unproductive.

My addiction does lend to having highs and lows. Frantic cramming of appointments and activities have led me to forget where I had to be… even though they were written in my diary. Sometimes, I feel as though I have been hit over the head with a sledgehammer. I run on auto-pilot with feelings of intoxication and exhilaration, kind of like an emotional roller-coaster. Enough is enough I say. This cannot be sustained. Sooner or later something has to give. I am tired of breaking deadlines and dates. I am tired of letting my friends and family down. Time to make a change.

This is the first step to overload recovery. Recognition that I have an addiction and now declaring that I will do something about it. Nothing will change without this moment of personal clarity. I can’t go on like this. Time to interrupt the pattern, which my ISP has had a hand in with slowing my connection down.

A calmer, less adrenalin fueled life is way overdue. To surrender my dependence to adrenalin will not be easy… after all, it is the chemical of danger, and who doesn’t like a bit of danger in their lives? Baby steps are necessary to overcome this addiction in order for me to find balance in my life. Helping my personal development along, I find that reading the healthy living lounge has also been helpful in coming to realise my plight. Any other suggestions you might have are welcomed here.  It will be great to hear them.

Dedicated to Success - mine and yours

Following on from my last post about Forgiveness and Emotional Intelligence, I had some rather interesting responses which prompted me to write this one. We are close to the end of the year which is a time for reflection for most of us, and in looking back, there may be some aspects of your life that you wish to work on so that you can move forward to 2008 with your sights set clearly on your goals and what you really want to achieve.

Here’s a short summary of that post:

• The only person that suffers from NOT forgiving the wrong-doer or forgiving yourself, is YOU.
• The practice of forgiveness is a simple process which can be done on a daily basis (as long as you are willing to let go of the thing that holds you back.)
• Forgiveness is an integral part of your Personal Development as without it, you cannot learn and move on with mastering your Emotional Intelligence.

Forgive and Forget

An interesting thought that came up in the responses from my friend George, is that as a child, he always heard the saying as it goes…

Forgive, but don’t Forget. It has it’s sense. Sometimes forgive AND forget is also a good idea as you clear out lot’s of stuff.

However, I feel that sometimes NOT forgetting in certain cases is a wise decision just so you don’t get caught a second or even a tenth time by the same story. Sort of like headlights that help you avoid big rocks in the road.

This is interesting because more often than not, we make up our own story about how someone treated us. Something I learned at the Landmark Forum is that we tend to, as humans do, drag the past around with us. Just imagine carrying around a suitcase everywhere we went.

We project the past into the future and live into it rather than letting it go and living in the NOW. Imagine if you didn’t have to carry around that suitcase everywhere you went.Imagine being free from the past, the one that is gone, the thing that holds you back from moving forward and living in the NOW. I challenge you to throw it away. Get rid of it so that it doesn’t weigh heavily on you. What are you left with when you do that. A blank canvas to write whatever future you wish to have… that’s what it leaves you with. Forgiveness is not easy and with a little practice everyday, it will make a difference in your life.

I take George’s comment this way. By practicing forgiveness, it will certainly make you a stronger person. By not forgetting and using it as a warning to not get caught up again in that kind of a circumstance, it is useful. It reminds us NOT TO GO THERE AGAIN.

So to forgive and forget can give us freedom to go on and live a happy and fulfilling life. Create your day with your intentions clearly embedded in your mind before you even get out of bed. Practice forgiveness a little each day… the process gets easier the more you do and remember that attitude of gratitude leads to a life of abundance.

Dedicated to Success.

If I was to tell you that you will never experience peace of mind until you were able to forgive, what would you say to that. I would not be telling you the truth if I said that I found forgiveness to be an easy thing to practice all the time. What I can tell you though, is that next to an attitude of gratitude, forgiveness is the most important step you can take toward peace of mind and emotional intelligence.

Throughout your life, you certainly would have had opportunities that have made you simmer with justified anger, feelings of resentment, playing the victim and even times of betrayal. These are all strong emotions that can consume us totally if we let them.

There have been times in my life when somebody has hurt me and in my constant replaying of the drama, I have been the victim, and they have been the villain. If you think of yourself as a nice person, you simply long for others to back down and see things your way. If you don’t think of yourself as a nice person, you may just want to kill them! But please don’t.

It has taken me quite some time, and I still have some forgiving to do, especially forgiving myself - yes, you got it - forgiving oneself is the most difficult to do, but I can tell you that releasing anger and hurt and those feelings of being a victim have certainly made my life a lot less complicated. The only person who suffers is you if you will not let those feelings go. Nobody else feels your pain, and the more you hold onto the emotions that make you feel that pain, the more damage you do to yourself.

Of course you will find it hard, sometimes even impossible to do this at first. How long you let it go on of course is up to you. Being such strong emotions, you may want to hold onto them. That’s not unusual. Some people even fall into the trap of playing victim all their lives! Do you really want to live like that. Do you really want to wallow in self pity because someone did something wrong to you. Someone took advantage of you. Someone stole a precious item of yours. Someone bullied you at school or at work. Someone got that promotion at work that was meant to be your promotion. Your parents loved your baby sister more than you. These are all valid reasons, and still, you CAN let them go.

If you decide to free yourself of these feelings, simply saying words of forgiveness will have no immediate emotional impact, but if you initiate the practice of forgiveness, it has the power to wipe away that pain.

I learned a simple process from a friend of mine just recently, that has helped me to overcome many of the feelings which I have been telling you about. Think of it as an inner ritual of forgiveness.

Sit quietly alone and imagine a stage. Keep your eyes closed while you are in this process. Then, imagine putting the person you need to forgive on that stage. Say the words, I forgive X for all the wrong X has done against me, real or imaginary, in this life or any other. Imagine the person disappearing into the light. Then place yourself on that stage and say, I forgive myself for all sins against X , whether real or imaginary, in this life or any other. Repeat this process with each individual who in your eyes, has wronged you. I find doing this process is having a great effect on my emotional intelligence.

Some of you may even like to use the Lord’s Prayer. It doesn’t matter what our spiritual tradition is, forgiveness is expected of all of us. It is all part of our personal development. Developing your emotional intelligence can only be a benefit to your happiness and living a fulfilling life.

We can practice forgiveness on a daily basis because we’re often wronged, even in small ways. For instance, we may get cut off in traffic, or someone says something hurtful over the phone, or someone may be rude to us in a shopping mall. It could be any number of things that set us off. Instead of being enraged by these occurrences, imagine the person being surrounded with light, and mentally say, I forgive you and I will release you. Even imagine blowing them a kiss perhaps - lightening the moment with some humour is a very good idea. Then move on.

Without forgiveness, I can tell you from experience what happens. It is not the un-forgiven who suffers, rather, it is the person who cannot forgive who will carry the hurt. That person is the one whose mind and body are in danger of being permanently damaged by pain and bitterness, and resentment. You guessed it. It is YOU who will suffer.

Life is way too short to suffer due to not letting go of the past in this way. The practice of forgiveness - even when the wrongdoer continues to do wrong - is the only way to freedom and peace.

Dedicated to Success.