Ange, I absolutely think that divorce has become so mainstream these days that couples are accepting it as a good solution, possibly before seeking out any other solutions.

How can divorce be acceptable, but the idea of going to a couples counselor still signals some sort of problem?

I think we are so accustomed to a fast-paced life with fast solutions that spending time and effort working out a relationship is just beyond us.

A counselor I know is trying to get couples to come to her BEFORE problems start. You regularly service your car, why not your relationship? Why are people letting it get beyond saving so easily? There is no shame in seeking the advice of an expert for something so complex as marriage.

That said, of course I recognise that in some cases, it is best for all involved (including children) if the separation occurs… it just seems such a waste.

Did you know there was a motion in Germany not long ago to give the option of 7-year marriage contracts with an opt-in for a further 7-years? What do you think about that?

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The more you are willing to accept responsibility for your actions, the more credibility you will have….

When I was finishing college, I did my internship in a group home of children who had been abused in some way and had become abusive themselves. These were children who seriously yearned for someone to love them.

Many times I’d come home in tears, not because of the actions of the children, but because of where they’d come from and what they were having to deal with. One little girl kept causing problems with her potential adoptive mother, and so they kept having to bring her back to the home. It wasn’t until the mom saw the scars from her real parents that she realized how afraid this child was, which gladly lead to a break-through for both of them.

The one that broke my heart most was a young man who was close to graduating out of the program. He already had plans to live on the street! He was extremely smart, but so desperate for attention that he would misbehave until he was called down, just to have someone focus on him. Just touching his shoulder or giving him a hug would change his behavior so drastically you could actually see the change. If I had been older and more settled, I would have adopted him in a heartbeat.

We don’t always see immediate results like that from letting someone know we love them, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t need to hear it, and each time we say and mean it, hopefully it sinks in a little more.

(((hugs))) I’m so glad you’re back safely from your trip! Can’t wait to hear more about it!

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I can’t say I have much parenting experience since I’m only new to this game but I’ll go by my own parents. I can’t complain about the way I was brought up because I feel I’ve turned out okay. It’s only evident to me now that my cousins that were brought up in single parenting homes or were neglected as children are very different from me. Some of them are still bitter and envious and sometimes I wished they stopped and listened to themselves. Just the other day I was telling my mother about how most people compliment my baby, Samara, how she’s so loving to everyone around her, and happy most times, and she said to me that “if people want to know what kind of life you’re living in your home they look at how your children act and they judge from that”. I believe that! And I’m not saying that children that act out are not given enough attention, in some cases it could be other things besides home life. For instance recently one of my close friends daughter accused her step brother of rapping her, it’s not the first time she’s admitted to lying, she said to me she’ll do anything to go to her father…..and not that her mother is not a good mother, outside she’s seems perfect. The mother refuses to get her psychological help, because she doesn’t want to be deemed as a bad parent, child youth and services, and other school counselors suspect that she might be a PD…… any who. I just believe parents should do the best they can for their children and even children they see who might be calling out for help. Sometimes it’s hard stepping into your friends life to get them to see that they’re child may have a problem. If you have good intentions you could actually save a life.

This is an interesting post, and one in which I have had some experience.

We raised four kids, three daughters and one son. We were faithfully involved in their education, and their after school activities. We went to all of the games, the PTA meetings, and other school related activities. It was tiring at times, but we made it, and now we can look at our kids and see the result of our efforts.

We feel that if you do everything you can to show an honest interest in your children, promote wholesome activities, and frequently let them know how much you love them, you have about a 50-50 chance of them growing up okay. Obviously, all of our kids are grown now. Three turned out well, and one has always lived on the wild side – drugs, biker gangs, and periodic trouble. However, she now has her own family, her own home, and a nice middle class life, so what can we say?

On the issue of divorce, and single parenthood, there was a time when none of the men we knew had his own kids living with him. Money for child support and alimony was simply passed up the line. We also knew single parents where one spouse had died. Now it seemed strange to us that the children of the divorced parents, on average, seemed to grow up and turn out to be better suited for society than the children who came from a family where one spouse had died. Those children seemed to have problems that followed them into adulthood. Of course, it depended on how old that child was when the parent died. The same thing goes for children who came from divorced parents. Age at the time of the family break up is important to their development. These things are only our small opinion, of course, so I wouldn’t want to make too big a deal about any of it.

The bottom line of all of this is that we believe that in raising kids, no matter what their background, it takes a whole lot of work, love and care, and a whole lot of plain old luck

Like you say, it is difficult to not do things for your children and although I can be generous, I also like to set boundaries for what they can and cannot have… especially when out shopping LOL… if it was up to them, they would have all the shelves in the supermarket in the trolley. I know where you are coming from and I thank you for sharing here. Cheers!

Divorce is downplayed and children still need love and affection no matter what circumstances they find themselves in. Quality time with the kids is important as that is what will determine the values instilled in them.

Glad to hear your daughter came good… I think we all go through “stuff” as teenagers… I also remember giving my mum a hard time… and now I have two beautiful girls who will also be teenagers one day!!

Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. Appreciated as always.

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It’s possible to encourage independence while still teaching respect. The older they get the more independent they will be whether we like it or not. If we make them feel loved, valued, teach them good manners, spend time and read with them, I think that the values taught will eventually click in.

My eldest daughter put me through hell as a teenager but she did eventually come around. I did the same to my mother. My mom was working a lot but I don’t blame her for that. She is one of the most amazing women I know and I used to wonder if she was bionic.

Anyway, I also think that more children are hitting puberty much earlier and that contributes to emotional problems because they’re not always ready for it.

Divorce still affects children hard and I do think that it could be prevented more. Some children are more affected than others but it’s downplayed because it’s more accepted and seen as the norm now. The ones who get hit harder are often the ones who feel rejected the most IMO and it’s hard to make up for an absent parent. If you involve other close family members and friends that helps a lot but not everyone has that support or reaches out for help.