I am an Adrenalin Junkie
This last ten or so days, I have been reduced down to dial-up speed when I was shaped for over-using my bandwidth and I can tell you that I am really struggling having to wait for pages to download. I have learned that if you use a Firefox browser, there is an option in tools that allows you to choose whether or not to download images while you are browsing, and it has become very boring indeed! It’s not much fun browsing when you can’t see the whole page as it was meant to be seen.
Being in this situation has brought me to realize that I am an adrenalin junkie, not just with the internet, but in all aspects of my life. I thought I was a patient person and as it turns out, I have had time to reflect and take notice of my habits online and off line. Scary stuff! I am living in a permanent state of overload and I am wondering how many of you reading this may have the same thing going on as I do.
I seem to be always seeking time for myself and yet, there are times when I feel guilty about not spending enough time with the kids. They often watch me sit and work when I really should be giving more of my time to them while they are around. I constantly feel that it is my job to keep everyone around me happy, which has led me to write about it here. Another step in developing my emotional intelligence.
The Seduction of Overload
Being addicted to adrenalin, is like any addiction. It is all consuming, very thrilling and it feels so right. There is absolutely no need for other narcotics life has to offer when you’re running on pure self-generated adrenalin. I think that being overloaded is permission to say I am too busy to take on anything new. Although, I just cannot help myself. I like to say YES to everything. It makes me feel needed, wanted and in demand! It is like having a badge of honour to have a jam-packed calendar, to juggle work and children, to be exhausted which then leads to feelings of guilt of letting down my friends and family. Funny thing is though that they do not feel this guilt of being unproductive.
My addiction does lend to having highs and lows. Frantic cramming of appointments and activities have led me to forget where I had to be… even though they were written in my diary. Sometimes, I feel as though I have been hit over the head with a sledgehammer. I run on auto-pilot with feelings of intoxication and exhilaration, kind of like an emotional roller-coaster. Enough is enough I say. This cannot be sustained. Sooner or later something has to give. I am tired of breaking deadlines and dates. I am tired of letting my friends and family down. Time to make a change.
This is the first step to overload recovery. Recognition that I have an addiction and now declaring that I will do something about it. Nothing will change without this moment of personal clarity. I can’t go on like this. Time to interrupt the pattern, which my ISP has had a hand in with slowing my connection down.
A calmer, less adrenalin fueled life is way overdue. To surrender my dependence to adrenalin will not be easy… after all, it is the chemical of danger, and who doesn’t like a bit of danger in their lives? Baby steps are necessary to overcome this addiction in order for me to find balance in my life. Helping my personal development along, I find that reading the healthy living lounge has also been helpful in coming to realise my plight. Any other suggestions you might have are welcomed here. It will be great to hear them.
Dedicated to Success – mine and yours 🙂