Personal Development

Speak Now Before It Is Too Late

Have you ever felt like you were the only person in the whole universe with a challenge? You may have noticed that I have been absent from Buzzing with Ange a bit lately. To tell you the truth, I lost my creativity and didn’t want to bring you half-baked articles just to keep updating. Instead, I have been meandering along another path away from my laptop and that is the one of further study for my NLP (Neuro-Linguistic-Programming) Master Practitioner along with training for the Kokoda Trek!

Aside from that, we, that is my family, have recently found out that my dad needs to have open heart surgery and as I type this, he has been hospitalised due to a series of recurring minor heart attacks and we are waiting to hear when he will be able to have the procedure done. Needless to say, it has put us all on standby wondering what the outcome will be.

familyThrough all this, I have learned something about myself and that is that I am not the super emotionally strong person I thought I was. Does this mean that I have failed? No, not at all! In fact, what is has done is made me aware of the vulnerabilities that we as humans all have and that is that when someone close to us that we love faces a life threatening challenge, we start asking the questions why. After all, my dad is a very fit man and at the age of 78, he walks 60 kms per week!

The thing is to not ask why, but rather, how do we adapt to make this experience go as smoothly as possible while maintaining a positive outlook so as to keep my dad’s spirits up and help him as best we can through this challenge?

This Is How We Grow

While being empathic to his reality, I think the best thing I can do is spend time with him and ask questions so that I can learn as much as I can about him… I’m sure there are many things that I do not know about my dad and at the same time, tell him how I feel about him. Use the time to really bond and I think I am sounding like this is the end for him, and I’m sure it isn’t, but what an opportunity to get even closer than I was before! My point is that sometimes we leave things unsaid and then have regrets that we shoulda coulda woulda done this that and the other. I have heard it too many times before and I would rather not be left in that situation so speak now before it is too late.

This way of thinking can apply to anyone in our lives who we may be needing to discuss things with. What I mean is to not let emotions hold you back from speaking up about something or clearing the air if need be. I’m thinking in particular about forgiveness and emotional intelligence which goes a long way towards your personal development. Being consciously aware of our reactions to particular people or circumstances and coming to an agreement with ourselves or others, helps us keep things in perspective and not make up stories about it… after all, your reality will differ from the next person’s reality. We all have a different view of life and whatever your beliefs, it is the right one for you. Remember though that holding onto negative thoughts you have without either writing them down or talking about them with someone, will only make you the victim so please, if you have something to say then say it.

I know I am not the first person to be faced with this situation and I won’t be the last. So, I am not looking for sympathy here, rather, I would like to ask what are some of the things you may have tried in a similar situation which worked for you and your family to get you through a time like this?

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25 comments to “Speak Now Before It Is Too Late”

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  1. Hi Ange,

    Just found you and your blog through one of my friends on twitter.com

    I so understand losing your desire to be creative when your emotions are wrapped up with your family and illness. I only wish I had some words of wisdom to share but when my dad was ill and past away almost seven years ago I just felt an incredible sadness.

    My son (even though he was only about 11 years old at the time) somehow would say or do something just when I needed it most to lift my spirits. Angels are ageless and have a way of showing up in our life just when we need them most.

    Your angels will find you too and help you through this difficult time. My thoughts are with you.

    kate’s last blog post..Color for protruding garage

  2. Hi Ange,

    I have no recollection of anything similar to what you’re going through, but I subscribe to your outlined activities and to bond closer with your dad.

    My father was a healthy man. One morning he was in pain because of a slipped disc. We brought him to the hospital where he was operated. He was in intensive care in the morning but was up and about. Then he had what doctors called a post operative trauma – he died of a heart attack. No chance to bond.

    My mother had Alzheimers disease which went bad in the mid-nineties. She started forgetting things until about 2002 when she could no longer remember any of her children, our faces and names. She started singing old folk songs we never even heard of. We put her to bed one night and she was still singing. She died in her sleep. The disease and the manner of death left us no bonding chance either.

    My eldest sister was diagnosed with cancer at the advanced stages already. She died 3 weeks later. My friends, some of them, and relatives were already in a wake when I learned of their passing. I was always the one out of circulation.

    I have no such experience but judging by what you plan to do, I believe that is the best. Keep the conversation positive and forward looking; not like a terminal interview. Pray too. 🙂 –Durano, done!

    durano lawayan’s last blog post..The Termites Take the Treasure

  3. Alice Seba says: April 9, 2008 at 2:04 am

    Ange, thank you for sharing. I am sorry to hear about you Dad and hope for a great and quick recovery. He sounds like a strong man.

    I really appreciate your candidness and think many of us don’t really know our parents. Thank you for my own wake up call.

  4. Hi Kate, thanks for stopping by today with your thoughts. My angels do appear and have at times when I have felt a little low. Twitter is such an awesome tool for getting the message out there. I like the sound of your Color blog and will have to check it out soon! You have lifted my spirits already.

  5. Internet Advertising says: April 9, 2008 at 4:10 am

    I hope all is well with your father. That is very impressive at that age though.

  6. Sorry to hear you’re having a tough time Ange – hope your Dad is okay.

    I have found at moments like this that I have to decide do I really believe in my view of the world – it is easy to think you are strong and hold on to your belief of how things are around you when life is coasting.

    – I think you find out a lot more about yourself when things heat up.

    Mike French’s last blog post..BLOG idol

  7. Hi Ange,
    Your blogging friends wil always be here for you, and do not worry about updating, or being “super emotionally strong.” I will keep your father in my prayers, and I hope that he comes out of his open heart surgery well. Saty strong, but know when to ask for help, and emotional support. -Mike.

  8. Hi! As I read this I compared my relationship with my elderly father. I also have unanswered questions. Unfortunately he is not the emotional type to open up, so it’s probably best to leave some things unanswered and accept things the way they are, not as I would like them to be. I’m now reminded of the saying, “you can’t squeeze blood out of a rock.” Having said that, the only thing that I can do now, is to be there where ever possible and be appreciative of the times that I have spent with him.

    Peter McCartney’s last blog post..What if

  9. I used the occasion of my father going in for a quadrupal bypass about 10 years ago to tell him, for the first time ever, that I loved him. It was my fear of never having said it to him and him not making it through the operation that gave me the courage to take a quiet moment with him and tell him. That way, if he didn’t make it, I knew that I had said the most important thing that needed to be said.

    The good thing is he survived the operation and I have told him I love him many times since. As far as I know I was the first, and may still be the only one, of three sons to have told him so.

    Kind regards,
    Rod

  10. Hi Ange!

    I opened my mail today and found your RSS feed. Wow! how people all over the world face the same situation. My mum is operated recently and been recuperating. But after the operation she has nagging, complaining character. she fights with my dad frequently. and I stay one day far from her place. yesterday only I had a talk over phone with her and I told her what I wanted to tell for bringing peace. But it backfired she started chanting the litany of negative perceptions. so my point is on my part I am OK, I told her what I wanted to tell, I have emptied myself, but on the other side the problem has arisen. How well one can be positive on himself but the effect of the positivity remains on the other side too. I think positivity is relative when we talk about collective emotional intelligence.
    I hope I can reconcile with my mum because to unburden myself I have burdened her.

    Jyoti Mukhia’s last blog post..GORKHALNAD AGITATION: CLASH AT SILIGURI

  11. Excellent post Mate, hang in there!

    Sometimes when we go through things, it can feel as though the sky is falling in, and as if we are the only one going through it.

    But the fact is that everyone experiences hardship and trauma of some kind in their life time.

    We have a choice as to whether we allow it to make us bitter, or better. By sharing this Ange, I believe that it is going to help make you better, as well as helping others along the way!

    Well done!

    Allan

    Allan’s last blog post..Tell Me Something About Your Dad

  12. aussiecynic says: April 11, 2008 at 12:53 pm

    Hey Ange….
    Keep us up to date with how your dad goes… ok…
    We are sending our best to you and your family…
    take care and be kind to yourself…
    Aussie

    aussiecynic’s last blog post..This is just Weird!

  13. Every experience can only make you stronger. These are the blessings which makes life so beautiful. Your Dad is your blessing and your family. I wish you all the best Ange.

    “Iconic”

  14. Thank you to everyone for your support. My dad is recovering well and it looks like he could be home as early as Wednesday which is a real treat! Needless to say, he has done very well and already come a long way since the procedure on Friday.

    Peace & Hugs

    Ange

  15. Ange
    such a topic of interest once people find it. The two deepest emotions I have felt
    1. the birth of my 1st son, I had an instant bond. this was such a deep emotional moment for but such a happy one
    and
    2. the death of my mother. the hurt was so powerful and deep it took along time to get over.
    Time is the one thing we all use at the same rate. i now value my minutes as precious

  16. I don’t know if any human is emotionally strong. We can all learn to be emotionally intelligent and recognize our emotions for what there are and give them the proper amount of attention. I learned a great deal of how to be emotionally intelligent from NLP training and hypnosis training and it certainly does improve one’s life to learn to take responsibility for how we choose to react to things in life rather than choosing to be a victim of circumstances. I like the empowerment that being at cause creates in my life.