Personal Development

Think Before You Speak

quick to listen slow to speak slow to anger

Have you ever had something happen to you that made you angry and because of this, you said hurtful words to a loved one without meaning too? I was visiting with some friends the other day and they were having a new oven delivered. Upon unwrapping the oven it was obvious that they had received the wrong one, so she got all in a tizz and said something awful to her husband on a totally different subject! I immediately noticed why this had happened and hinted that perhaps she was angry with the store that had delivered the wrong oven and not angry with her husband. She is a good friend so I can say these things to her.

Your Anger Can Unintentionally Hurt Another

The point I am making here is that when you are challenged and it makes you feel the emotion of anger, no matter who is there with you, and if nobody is, we do have a tendency to call someone just so we can vent our anger, we can easily slip up and say something that we may regret. Your anger can unintentionally hurt another so make it a habit to become aware of the language and the words you use when conversing with others… especially those we love.

Think Before You Speak

In this case above, the husband dismissed what his wife had said but it could have easily turned into an outright misunderstanding causing a whole set of problems which wouldn’t have served either one of them. Have you been aware of this happening to you? I know that there have been times when something has upset me and without thinking, I have lashed out at the person closest to me. That was before I learned how to be aware of my thoughts and language.

quick to listen slow to speak slow to anger

Quick to listen, slow to anger, and slow to speak

It takes practice to know why we say the things we do. It could be something as easy as stubbing your toe upon getting out of bed that sets your day in a direction of a downward spiral and without knowing, we snap and let the fact that we are not happy, make someone else not happy just so we don’t have to suffer alone! Does this make sense?

Empowering and Dis-Empowering Thoughts

Think for a moment to the last time you were hurt or disappointed, how you re-acted and if you happened to use language that empowered or dis-empowered yourself or someone else! Remember how it felt and if you can, also, how was your physiology at the time? I say this because we do sit/stand differently when we are upset as opposed to when we are ecstatic! Our physiology then has a role to play in the language we use.

Okay, take time out and try this. Stand up and hang your head and hunch your shoulders over as though you are a victim of circumstance. Think back to a time when you felt anger. In this position, try smiling and having good thoughts. Can you? I mean, can you really think good thoughts if you have just been hurt or are angry?

Now try this. Stand up tall with eyes forward and a big smile on your face. How easy is it to say something positive? Totally different way of looking and feeling isn’t it? So how easy would it be now to become aware of your language that you use and how it affects others?

So, there is a marked difference as to how we speak depending on our physiology. If you can get over it sooner rather than later, you will be doing yourself and those around you a great favour. Don’t let your anger unintentionally hurt someone else. Be aware of how you are feeling and think about the words you will speak before opening your mouth. Life can be so much more pleasant when feeling love rather than anger.

If you enjoyed this article and it is your first time here, you may consider subscribing to Buzzing With Ange so that you never miss an update. Let me know your thoughts and if/when you have noticed this kind of thing happening to you before now. How has it impacted your life?

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6 comments to “Think Before You Speak”

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  1. Great post Ange.
    This is so important to look at.

    In the midst of ‘living’, whether pursuing our career,
    avocations, or just fixing up the home with a new washing machine,
    what good is it if we leave a trail of emotional destruction?

    Our overall impact on others should remain a positive force.
    I’ve watched as the “I/Me” egocentricity of the last 20 or 30 years has mistakenly transposed “You count, speak up”,
    into ‘say whatever, whenever’, even at the expense of others.

    You can never truly erase your heard words from existence.
    A shared Life is like walking on rice paper; did you leave gentle imprints? Or tears?

    Listen, whether you are a Believer or Not,
    there is wisdom for Anybody regarding our speech
    [in the Book of]
    James Chapter 3 verses 5-12.

    Thanks Ange,

  2. Your words are so true Ed… “gentle imprints or tears?”

    That’s a great passage you quoted too. I believe there is a growing awareness and it all starts with us and the example we give to our children and families.

    Thanks for sharing,


  3. Hi Ange,

    Having been “enrolled” in the military school of torture rather involuntarily for 10 months when I was younger, I’ve learned to control emotions of rage rather well. One slight expression of anger in word, deed, or disposition can send you to your spiritual freedom in an instant. 🙂

    Being careful with what I express has been ingrained in me especially since I started a family. Children learn from what we say and do and tend to imbibe these into their own psyche’. I’ve always looked for what is positive and to find the fun in anything I do. I have inculcated the same in my kids. Not all of them have fully adapted it but the seeds are there.

    In our country, part of our culture is to laugh at ourselves and our own follies. When we trip, fall or bump our toes on solid rock, we simply wince and call ourselves silly for missing the rock. Sometimes we even say excuse me. 🙂

    Of course, this is not always easy. There are times when I am really peeved to the point of exploding but I think twice about its impact on those around me. I can talk firmly but not angrily. At times I can show temper but not lose it. I would then leave with a smile, go somewhere private, and release it to my heart’s content. In the workplace, this can be easily achieved. At home, it is more difficult, since we look at the home as our sanctuary and we should feel safe. When things go wrong here, i make it a point to relax those involved, ask what happened, and find solutions. Then assure them that it’s alright. After an hour or so, I return and admonish those guilty in a kind way.

    It takes a lot of patience, but it saves me from releasing toxins within my body, makes me healthier, and younger looking. It also takes a lot of practice. Words are always a good guide, but practice makes perfect. 🙂 –Durano, done!

  4. You are very wise Durano. Everything you have said here is very useful and needs to be taken seriously.

    We tend to have that “laugh at ourselves” culture as well here in Australia. It’s so easy not to laugh and get upset which then only brings the focus back on our anger or hurt, whereas if we laugh it off, it makes the situation so much more pleasant.

    When we have children around us it is even more important for that awareness of language to be present. We are all human so we cannot be perfect and I will be the first to admit that on occasion, I will slip and knowing I have, always backtrack to explain why I did it.

    Thanks for taking the time to share this my friend. Much appreciated!

  5. Excellent post .I am very guilty of this all the time… trying to change !
    Thanks I needed to hear (read) this today.

    I wrote a little on this last night about an encouragement challenge I am doing for my husband (well myself mostly) – is this image a creative commons -can I borrow it.

    I am going to print it anyway – for both me and my 14yr old son who I speak to a little harshly … him too.

    Trishs last blog post..Warning …