Have you ever had something happen to you that made you angry and because of this, you said hurtful words to a loved one without meaning too? I was visiting with some friends the other day and they were having a new oven delivered. Upon unwrapping the oven it was obvious that they had received the wrong one, so she got all in a tizz and said something awful to her husband on a totally different subject! I immediately noticed why this had happened and hinted that perhaps she was angry with the store that had delivered the wrong oven and not angry with her husband. She is a good friend so I can say these things to her.

The point I am making here is that when you are challenged and it makes you feel the emotion of anger, no matter who is there with you, and if nobody is, we do have a tendency to call someone just so we can vent our anger, we can easily slip up and say something that we may regret. Your anger can unintentionally hurt another so make it a habit to become aware of the language and the words you use when conversing with others… especially those we love.

In this case above, the husband dismissed what his wife had said but it could have easily turned into an outright misunderstanding causing a whole set of problems which wouldn’t have served either one of them. Have you been aware of this happening to you? I know that there have been times when something has upset me and without thinking, I have lashed out at the person closest to me. That was before I learned how to be aware of my thoughts and language.

Quick to think, slow to anger, and slow to speak

It takes practice to know why we say the things we do. It could be something as easy as stubbing your toe upon getting out of bed that sets your day in a direction of a downward spiral and without knowing, we snap and let the fact that we are not happy, make someone else not happy just so we don’t have to suffer alone! Does this make sense?

Think for a moment to the last time you were hurt or disappointed, how you re-acted and if you happened to use language that empowered or dis-empowered yourself or someone else! Remember how it felt and if you can, also, how was your physiology at the time? I say this because we do sit/stand differently when we are upset as opposed to when we are ecstatic! Our physiology then has a role to play in the language we use.

Okay, take time out and try this. Stand up and hang your head and hunch your shoulders over as though you are a victim of circumstance. Think back to a time when you felt anger. In this position, try smiling and having good thoughts. Can you? I mean, can you really think good thoughts if you have just been hurt or are angry?

Now try this. Stand up tall with eyes forward and a big smile on your face. How easy is it to say something positive? Totally different way of looking and feeling isn’t it? So how easy would it be now to become aware of your language that you use and how it affects others?

So, there is a marked difference as to how we speak depending on our physiology. If you can get over it sooner rather than later, you will be doing yourself and those around you a great favour. Don’t let your anger unintentionally hurt someone else. Be aware of how you are feeling and think about the words you will speak before opening your mouth. Life can be so much more pleasant when feeling love rather than anger.

If you enjoyed this article and it is your first time here, you may consider subscribing to my site so that you never miss an update. Let me know your thoughts and if/when you have noticed this kind of thing happening to you before now. How has it impacted your life?

In my last post I talked about being an adrenalin junkie which made me stop and think about what I was actually saying. Through attending many personal development seminars and training with NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), I have learned that whatever you say you are, you are. This is not something new to me, and there are times when I do use the wrong language. I should know better you would think… well, I am human after all

Since then, I have had a paradigm shift. I had a dream last night that I was bird hopping along the ground not being able to make out the tops of trees, but instead, all I could see was the grass stalks and some twigs and leaves. When I flew up into the sky I could then make everything out. I could see the trees in relation to the ground and the grass. I could even make out a valley and a body of water. Things seemed much clearer from up above. I noticed that the higher I flew, the more of the landscape I could see. Even the approaching clouds threatening a change in the weather.

Why am I telling you this. I am telling you this because from a distance, I could see the whole picture and not just what was down on the ground level. There are times when all you can see is what’s right in front of you. All the menial tasks that must be done on a daily basis. These tasks are just as important as the big ones. I have read that the art of successful living calls on the ability to pull back and see the big picture… take time out to re-focus.

There are some spiritual disciplines that favor retreats to be able to reconnect with your Higher Self or Spirit, whichever you would like to call it. This is also another form of nurturing your emotional intelligence. If you can take the time off and make it to such a retreat, fantastic! If you are limited with your time because maybe you work on your own or you have family commitments that you cannot pull away from at the drop of a hat, there are other ways of re-connecting and grounding yourself.

Here is a list that may give you some ideas:

1. Take one day off and make it a vision quest where you carry one question in your mind - What do I do next? Let it simmer while you walk, meditate, swim or just stare into space!
2. Take one hour to sit in amongst nature - be it a park, the beach, or even your backyard - and just shut everything out. Don’t think about a thing.
3. Go and have a full body massage and DO NOT talk through the process. I say this because when I worked in the beauty industry and clients would come in for a massage, there were ones who tended to talk throughout the whole hour. Not very relaxing and they missed the point of having the massage… although, some would come just to vent their troubles.
4. Run yourself a nice, deep bubble bath and burn essential oils with candles around the bathroom. The citrus oils are uplifting while peppermint and rosemary are invigorating.

Pulling back and regaining your focus is a must to be able to function at your highest potential. If while you are working and you seem to be procrastinating, notice this and ask yourself this question: What can I do in the next 20 minutes that will take me in the direction I want to go. It could be writing a letter, making a phone-call, paying a bill, joining a gym or even enlisting the help of a coach. It will different for each of you depending on what your goals are. Think of it as writing an outline of a novel and not the whole book.

These are some guidelines to consider.

• Think big.
• Think small.
• Learn to go back and forth easily between your points of focus.
• If you dream too much, you may get lost in unproductive tasks.
• If you are run off your feet with details and other’s demands, you are in danger of losing focus on the big picture.

My goal is to follow and stick to these guidelines so that I may become someone whose bigger dreams drive and inspire others. Let me know how I am doing from time to time.

Change Your Thoughts and You Can Change the World

I would like to leave you with this video that shows how your thoughts can change your focus and in turn, change the world as you see it. Enjoy!